Starting is always the hardest part. The last two nights I had pretty clear ideas of what I was going to write. Tonight, I do not have one clear idea, but I am tired right now and would rather log out, go to sleep and deal with another very long day tomorrow. Bad idea. Why?
Momentum. I know that if I can post every day for a few weeks, I can build the habit into my life. This practice will then give me a tool to gain momentum and build my currently swirling and coalescing project once it is actually ready to be realized. I am not sure where I am going, but I still have to pack. There is still work to be done even though I do not know all of the details of this work.
So this is what I will do. There are many types of learning, absorbing and doing. So far in life, writing is always key. To learn, I must write. I process externally. This can be annoying in a crowded room as I tend to share my thought process with the world, but in the silence of the night with the dim glow of the screen and the cool air coming through the windows, I am able to think deeply.
Writing is hard. Building your dreams is hard. Deciding is hard. That is what I am stuck with at the moment, many wheels are turning and it seems that I come up with a new idea every day. When the sheer volume of choices overwhelms me, I need to think logically. Which of these things can I do now. I am also guided by the stickiness of the idea. There are some that come back to me over and over again. That get fleshed out in my head and seem to grow massively every few weeks with each new insight or application. The evidence is clear by the magnitude of files in my many “ideas” folders scattered throughout my antique laptop.
Back again to Momentum. It’s a showstopper present and pervasive throughout life. With it, it all flows, without it halts and sinks into mud. I see this issue tonight as I sit here and write. It is 3 am right now. I went upstairs at 1 am after watching the DVR’d Argentina v. Netherlands game. The outcome had me feeling good. I was set to write. Then I checked facebook, looked up types of nightshade foods, researched grad school programs on sustainability and fisheries and signed up for a coding site. And I watched a few videos of Messi and Rhonaldino and for some reason something about 5 foods to never eat.
Distractions and Procrastination all. And that is where inertia affects my life in the moment.
Zoom out, widen the perspective, take a look at the range and not just the mountain and this marginally more evolved pattern recognizing monkey can distinguish said pattern.
Writing, been dreamin’ of it since 14. I laid awake at night dreaming of my first book. I obsessed over the fact that Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein when she was 18 when I was 16. I devoured the blue room at Powell’s every chance I got. I analyzed their techniques. Once I was watching Conan interview Scorsese about Gangs of New York, love that movie. Scorsese talked about the first time he had the idea for the movie which was when he visited St. Patricks in New York and realized that the then Italian congregation used to be Irish. I am paraphrasing. Imagining the future I saw myself there in that position being interviewed for my first book. It haunts me to think of the number of hours of practice that would be in the bank already if I had jumped in fully earlier. Then I work on my presence, which is another topic for another post.
Writing has always returned.
Still I keep putting up obstacles in the path. Getting a B.A. was useful but it did not help my goal directly. Travelling helped me gain experience and more inspiration, but again I was set waiting. Working in restaurants and in schools just took up all of my time. These are all the facebook shares youtube videos of my life. A lot of information, but obstacles to the dream.
The world has opened up in the last 15 years. It is much easier to write and be read than it used to be.
And though the project is as of yet undefined, swirling around in sea of thoughts and occasionally ascending from subconscious and then drifting away again.
For now, the task is-build momentum. Writing is writing is writing. And when I have something profound to say and those stories are ready, I will be ready to write it.